She Blogs Again

ON VERGE OF MIXED EMOTIONS

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“For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.” ~ 2 Nephi 28:30

In the scriptures I keep reading that passage. I love the Book of Mormon, to the whole universe and back. Mends back the pieces and revives the dying sunflower inside of me each day I turn my heart into it. Been an avid fan of reading and collecting page-turning fiction books of all time and yet the best read still goes to that book.

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For over the years I have learned to forgive and let go of grievances. I cared way too much for everyone. Been so carefully making decisions I needed to make sure no one’s gonna be hurt at all costs, without realizing it was me getting all the pain and there wasn’t any pain relievers. I was very particular of protecting weary hearts and reputations at different levels and yet it was still me enduring all the stabs. I cared too much to the point that I forgot how to take care of mine too.

And as much as I’ve wanted to unpack the heavy baggage, bow and arrows still strike me. I'm thinking of the Atonement.

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Take me back to the beach, where my heart belongs. I need a nature remedy.

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After Sunday church service hangovers are the best haha. I’ve always loved to fit right on my

alone time and just ponder. It’s kind of personal and sacred to me.

While I was waiting for my Momma’s meeting to end I went my way off to do the usual routine — find a quiet and peaceful spot. Bring out the scriptures, my pen and paper. Take advantage of our chapel’s nice ambiance because of its cozy location. Contemplate.

I realized I’ve been longing and thirsting for a strong spiritual confirmation from the Lord. I miss the temple so much, it’s been months old away since the closing announcement but I’ll see you again on May! ❤️

Etched in my mind too are the opportunities and blessings stated in my patriarchal blessing. I’m just excited to keep on adjusting sails and claim what’s in store for me and my family. These are gems.

(When will I get married anyway?) =) 

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So the highlight chapter of this day is Mormon 9. The bottom line: “Miracles cease because of unbelief — Signs follow those who believe.”

Ciao!

The Job to Dream

Back in the days when both of my parents worked hard to provide for our daily necessities I remember how determined they were just to make sure our needs were met. Every single penny counts.

Growing up in a world where basically financial stability is in its rising commotion, the ability to be more self-reliant is a requirement. As you age no one’s gonna feed you for a lifetime, not even your parents can do that. You have to stand and establish your own living.

No one’s getting any younger. You are not getting any younger.

I’ve been composing thoughts in my mind of how I visualize the future. Of questions neither have I a surety about, some things are to be kept uncertain. Held back from the natural eyes that seem to just accept what is apparent.

Only I know with divine assurance years from now I will become a mother to my children, a home maker and a helpmeet to my future husband.

Comfort and trust felt from a loving Father in Heaven consoled me as I pondered upon such sacred responsibilities given to His sons and daughters in mortality. Rested upon without pangs of doubt and confusion I’ve felt the solace the Savior has for me each day I continue to press forward. We all do. I love those moments when every night I pray I get to express the honest intentions of my heart. Knowing that someone up above dearly listens and understands, the hesitation to pour out all the traces of what I feel vanishes. It’s the most wonderful feeling.

In my patriachal blessing I read about a few lines of what God has in store for me. A reminder. It’s like a map provided in a crossroad. What does Heavenly Father want me to give focus to in the present? What does He want me to do hereafter, to accomplish and prioritize as I prepare myself for that eternal blessing awaits me?

One of my greatest dreams in life is not found in the catalog of the most promising and prominent women in the world. You won’t even find it in fab magazines. I desire not to be labeled as the popularly-known woman who walks the aisle.

What I really yearn to do is to be a hands-on mom to my own family someday.

Written in the biographies of the prophets and leaders of the church was the extraordinary team up they’ve had with their wives to establish and nurture a good family with precepts centered upon the gospel. A gospel-cultured home it is! I was inspired of how they first started to build a family using a little of income and what their means can only provide, how they were able to manage their finances and now look at them, they are successful both temporally and spiritually.

I’ve seen struggles where both parents are working to provide for the whole family. Life hasn’t been easy ever since the world began so it’s inevitable for the wife to work as well to support the husband. However, they grow together as one helping each other. The fruit of the labor. They both have to make adjustments and sacrifices in order to succeed.

My Mama was a working mom way back and I salute her for the dedication and courage until now she shows. I know it had been her desire to stay at home with us kids especially during our nursery to teenage years, and it was hard for her to see us grow without her total supervision but her understanding too of making use of opportunities to help my Papa made me admire her even more. She had a valiant spirit and a sound mind.

Amazing!

Now the time has come for my turn to make good decisions too someday. I’m not yet even married so you might be wondering why I keep talking about this haha.. But whether I work or not in the near future I know I still have the power to make correct choices now that will affect eternities. I am willing to do everything where desires are aligned to God’s will. That’s how a helpmeet is supposed to be like, right? You have to support your man with his plans and work together hand in hand. Sweet!

Anyway I love my part-time jobs right now. I hold my time and I enjoy doing them. :)

Nocturnal

Whenever I hit the pillows at night it has become a mind ritual for me to go over millions of thoughts stuck in my head. Keeping me wide awake. Probably the reason why I sleep late, and get pimples.

As much as I want to forgive myself for being an overthinker because being such has a disadvantage too, maybe, I want to simplify. Overthinking is creativity they say. Hmm. However, it makes you overanalyze and overcomplicate things as well. Isn’t?

Lately I’ve been bothered by the quality of my daily prayers. Are they meaningful enough? 

As I scrolled the pages up and down I read an article in lds.org yesterday that states how God answers prayers or how to know if a prayer is answerable. Evaluating mine petitions led me to analyzing and wanting to improve my way of giving gratitude and asking help from Heavenly Father.

There was also a quote I read in Instagram from Elder Robert D. Hales that says, “Too often we pray to have patience, but we want it right now.” Could it be that the reason some of our prayers remain unanswered is because we immediately want the result based on our own time frame and not with the Lord?

Mind blown.

It’s ordinary to hear pleadings of what you want to happen straightway. Too often we pray for things out of our personal comfort, hoping to avoid the pain of having to undergo trials where real growth takes place. Then when we fail to receive the answers we want in the way we expect them to be given, we become impatient and disappointed. The natural man.

These past few days I am striving to change the way I utter my prayers. Instead of constantly asking God the things I want right off, which I know He sure does want to grant me but in His own due time, I pray I keep patiently waiting. 

Good night.

Hello 2018!

I miss blogging.

Looking back from the posts I wrote in 2014 I didn’t realize it’s been four years already. This year is a brand new year. Forget and leave behind the things that should remain in the past but learn from them and welcome sunshine!

Last year was a bucket full of raindrops and rainbows to me. Just lately I’ve been into a rollercoaster ride series of events. Lived in a city I’ve ever dreamed of gaining independence from because seriously I’ve always wanted to foster a life away from my parents’ cane. So I did. It was a decision I made out of being curious and motivated to try living again outside the bounds of my family’s vicinity, since I’ve been used to doing it for 18 months on my mission. They supported me anyway with the condition I was aware taking the whole responsibility for myself — being independent, I know.

Only I had to live with my cousin, Kuya Glovel.

Yet it was a blessing in so many ways I had him with me while I stayed in Cebu. He was the driver, the protector and the errand man whenever I needed to buy something at the store. Most of the time Kuya Glovel was my adviser. I’m years younger than him and he is the eldest cousin in the family which means giving me the advantage though. I had to admit I felt a little bit annoyed sometimes because he was way too slow when getting ready going to church on Sundays haha... But overall I guarantee he has always been a really good guy and single (like me). ;)

For almost seven months of journey I had the chance to fulfill some of my dreams like being a temple ordinance worker. Given the privilege of writing for the church publication even in a short period of time, I was able to enjoy the calling. With dedicatory pledge as part of my medical profession I joined the ZEDRU rescue team. Service became the key core of my intention.

Right there on my voyage of seeking to follow Heavenly Father’s plan I met a priesthood holder of potential qualities. It doesn’t always happen that I go on frequent dates but it was a good experience to be learned from. We are both doing things on separate occasions now and life goes on whatever happens.

People come across your path for a reason. Friends and best people I got acquainted to. Learning from their daily struggles and knowing the courage they put up to survive helped me recognize the blessings laid in front of me, taught me to be more humble.

Everything was an open book of worthwhile memories. Let go and forgive. Embrace hope and never forget to be patient working on yourself as well, because at the end of the day it’s still you who decides for an even brighter future to hold. It’s you who is the author of your own happily ever after.

Hello 2018! ❤️